Behind Closed Doors

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I pleaded with you to no avail

Showed up and sometimes even showed out

I introduced and reintroduced myself to you

Those failed attempts left me black and blue

You showed up in the relationship with failed promises

Preconceived notions and a sack full of reason I wasn’t worthy of you keeping it one hundred

How about those times you called only to ear dump and to get what you wanted

Never even pause to ask me how I was doing

In this, my frustration started brewing

And there I was giving you power

The words I didn’t speak would cause my voice box to be devoured

You had me on standby to meet a need

Said you put time with me on your calendar

Only to see you making time for what you like to make time for

When you like to play the victim

Blame me for not calling coming by and making an effort

As if you suffer from some disability enabling you to put your best foot forward

Forward to the traumas I survived alone

Close to your home but mentally zoned

Zoned out trying to revive myself

You decided mistakes made me unworthy of love and you withheld it

Chained me to my past and then got angry when your vision saw I excelled it

Don’t let them see you sweat or what makes you tick

Speak with authority and don’t fall for the world’s tricks

Be twice as good but play it small

Don’t be too bold, too loud or come off cold

Sit up straight and fix your hair

Please don’t stare

Fit into this neat little box

Don’t speak your mind

Hold fast for the approval and validation

Being kind and yet they are only hate

Don’t be so sure of yourself and come off cocky

I got tired of these old ways of thinking sent only to block me

Door closed to one-sided relationships

To things that hurt and can no longer fit

I made some boundaries and I hope you’re proud of me

Found God in the valley

Fought Satan in the light

Broke down and got up

Discovered that laughter gives way to the light

I discovered my rights

Rose up ready to fight

You will not get your foot on my neck

Door closed to past me

I snatched your breath

This is the eulogy to surmise your death

I am free

All those titles, rules, and regulations I’ll never be any more

Because of the blessing that was in the storm

I wrote this two years ago. Exhausted with one-sided friendships. I hope you discover that you deserve more. Know when a season is up with a person. But also know who to be patient with because friendship is work. If it sucks the life out of you, do the math.

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