I was in Earth Fare the grocery store and the cashier asked me for my savings card. Yet again I had arrived at the register unprepared. I immediately stated, ” One of these days I am going to get it together”. He laughed and told me that he had come off his break taking a nap. Little did he know that I was fresh off my job slaying dragons and it felt like they beat me all week.
I stood there praying to God for strength to complete the next task. Which entailed my husband and I doing a marathon run to get dinner complete and little miss in bed. When all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and stay there for a few days. I even hoped my husband would agree to run away with me. Afterall I send that as my distress signal via text when things get real at work.
Straight to an island do not pass go next to the water and glass of wine in hand. As of late, the ongoing stupidity feels like people and situations are testing my patience to no end. As if I’d actually sign up to knock down brick walls with my bare hands. What a losing game but life keep picking me. And trust me my hand is not raised.
I am out here heart open and eyes peeled to see all the signs and goodness that life has for me. Trying to live a life that is healthy and feels good. Life goals are sweet and all but I like to step back sometimes and see where life takes me. Showing up in therapy and on the yoga mat to dig and unpack. To continue to heal and deal with people who need yoga and therapy. Healing is ongoing for as long as we live.
These are safe havens to go and recommend others to turn to for self-discovery. I am in no way shaming or saying that we don’t all need a little healing and help to navigate. It is a relief to unload everything we do not want or need placed on us. We pass through spaces and do not need to pick up any of that crap and shoulder it. But there are no classes that have taught us not to do this.
Life requires embracing the uncertainty of not knowing. This goes against everything the critics tell you about a life plan. But if we do not choose to put fear in its proper place it will drown us from the inside out. It is important to uproot everything that seeks to stunt your growth. It’s a daily war within that we all fight.
I didn’t realize until recently how little I show myself the compassion I give to others. Talk about being counterproductive. I am feeling uncensored and unapologetic as of late and because of this, I have been keeping to myself. I am exhausted with the constant news cycles of breaking new about breaking news. People oversharing every single detail of life. And boring conversations with no destination.
I have spent my last two years of my twenties cultivating inner peace and positioning myself. I want to receive all the things that are for me in this next chapter. I am nervous to leave my twenties. It is my hope that there is sweetness waiting on the other side. And that there is enough laughter to carry me through any tears that may arrive. God knows I have been through a lot of hell.
I am thankful for the time spent unpacking the notion that I needed to figure everything out. My strength is in my own beliefs of what my life should look like. I couldn’t give any more power to outside forces. This was depleting because what is for me will find its way to me when it is already predestined.
Unpacking self-doubt is a major key trust me. Whatever you believe about yourself will come into agreement with what others say. That is why so many people walk around triggered by the opinions of others. Every day I am looking into the mirror choosing to address the hard things. I am happy and uncertain of what all the tomorrows hold but with each new date, I rise. Determined to be and do more than the day before. When life feels like standing at the intersection of a breakdown or a breakthrough. I know that all things work together for my good. I will embrace uncertainty and know that it is also a road leading to my purpose.